Sometimes at night I find myself staring into the abyss, parading as the white popcorn ceiling above my head. As the hours trickle away, my mind bubbles into a whirlpool with images and dates and lists. At 23, I’m kind of neurotic, always thinking six weeks ahead of my present. I’m racing against an invisible clock. I haven’t always been like this. When I was 16, three events culminated in a matter of four months and permanently changed my outlook on life and the longevity of it, or sometimes lack thereof.

Introduction: To Madison Yauger, flowers and butterflies go together like biscuits and jam. Her family has always thrived in the garden, but after her grandfather passed away, butterflies began to mean a little something more.

As soon as my hand left the table, all 20 lbs. of me crashed landed on the scratchy carpet, but I didn’t cry. I leaned into my rolls of baby fat, pulled myself up and took a wobbly step. After that moment, I never went back to crawling. I was determined to walk.